Genuine Gwyn

It’s way past midnight, and my campers are still conversing. Lying on a bunk in a cabin full of ten-year-old girls that I am responsible for, I ask myself, “How do I get them to go to sleep?” My alarm is set to go off in less than six hours, and they are showing no signs of settling down. I am at a loss for what to do. That was me, in my second year as a camp counselor. I had a difficult time setting boundaries for my cabin, getting them to the correct station on time, and communicating my expectations. However, because of that, I was able to learn a lot, including how to collaborate with my fellow councilors and how to lead effectively. Those middle-of-the-night conversations would become a thing of the past.

As a counselor, I needed to be on my A-game at all times. This meant I was well-rested and chipper. I was responsible for keeping a group of kids safe, attending meals, and hopefully clean. Waking up early has never been one of my favorite tasks, but every morning, at six or earlier, I was up and ready for the staff meeting. I would then wake up and get my cabin started on the day at seven and at breakfast by eight. Most of them didn’t appreciate waking up early either.  The girls despised waking up early because the girls did not want to go to bed at the recommended ten p.m. bedtime. My time management skills greatly improved when it wasn’t just my time I was responsible for. But I still needed to set down boundaries and build rapport with my cabin to make that happen.

Kids love attention, especially from someone they look up to. In my first year of counseling, I had a group of girls who were familiar with me, and I already had a sense of rapport with them. That year of camp was great! Everyone went to bed on time, there were a few big fights and it was overall just a great week. Unfortunately, this set up my expectations for failure my second year. I expected a group of kids that were well-behaved, respectful, (and maybe a little admiring). While I did not get kids whose misconduct would rival Caiou’s, it also took me a bit longer than I expected to connect with the girls on a personal level. Through the use of active listening and engaging them, by the end of the week we had built some pretty solid rapport, and I was able to counsel some of those same girls this year, much to our mutual joy.

“Don’t ever assume someone knows what you are thinking. They don’t. They’re not in your head.” That was a piece of advice I got from a writing workshop with Dan Sanchez. This idea is true for writing, but it is also important for everyday relationships. I often struggle with seeing that others don’t have my context in situations. I tend to assume people experience their emotions the same way I do as well. Since I become emotionally distressed when an authority figure expresses their displeasure with me it makes it hard for me to be critical, or discipline others, especially kids. While I work on that issue for myself, I have also learned that not everything I would feel as a sharp emotional wound, others feel. So at 1:27 a.m. I sat up and politely, but firmly told the girls it was time to go to sleep. And…it worked! Once I was able to get over my own mental block, communicating my thoughts saved me a ton of effort. (I only wish I’d done it sooner!)

It might have been something in the water, or maybe I could attribute it to a lack of sleep, but there were a lot of conflicts in my cabin during my second year of counseling.  Living in close quarters with a group of people who you might not know very well can make you irritable and frustrated. All of the councilors saw a lot of it that week. Two of my girls in particular, would constantly bicker and fight. They would also always do it when a counselor wasn’t there. You would walk in to find two crying kids and five or six other shell-shocked onlookers. I was not able to keep up with the twists and turns of the ongoing disagreement, so I asked for help. The camp director, who had been a counselor for years, assisted me in keeping the conflict under control. I know I couldn’t have done it alone. Which is why collaborating is essential. There is no issue in asking for help especially when you’re sleep-deprived! When you know that there is a problem that someone else would be better at solving, ask them! You will save yourself a lot of unnecessary frustration when you synergize.

However, sometimes you just have to tackle issues yourself, head-on. That is what really distinguishes a leader. A councilor is there for the fun parts of camp, but also to help when a camper needs a shoulder to cry on, (and there were plenty of tears shed). A leader pulls their team together by managing time; building rapport; communicating expectations and boundaries clearly; and collaborating with others effectively. Being a leader isn’t about being the loudest person in the room with the most grandiose ideas, it’s about being ready and willing to serve everyone around you. When you prioritize helping your team win, (or in my case, my campers), you can create something that you couldn’t do alone. The best leaders are the ones who can manage themselves before they try to manage others. Sometimes, you become a leader when you’re ready, and sometimes, you learn how to be one in the middle of the night.